Even Big Cats Get the Blues
Practical Advice For Those Times You Gotta Pivot
One of my core values has always been transparency. I subscribed to Radical Candor and Leading with Vulnerability before I knew those concepts formally through the work of these very smart women1.
I’m so committed to this value of transparency that I also tend to be *ahem* a LITTLE bit of an over-sharer. I have big feelings and keeping them in is hard.
But I’ve found that not living my life from a place of values is way harder.
So I’m vulnerable enough to say that last week really sucked for me. I got some disappointing news, meaning I had expectations of how things would shake out that didn’t quite happen like I planned and it snowballed into a whole “woe is me” situation. I didn’t feel like writing or being creative. I mostly wanted to do nothing.
But thankfully I’ve had enough therapy and developed enough self-awareness to know it was just a plain ‘ol garden-variety bummy moment and that “this too shall pass.”
And though I’m no expert, I did take mental notes of the practical, tactical things I did to help me work through the feels productively. If you’re in the same spot, I hope these tips will help you, too.
1. Don’t “do.” Just “be.”
The downside of being a high-performer or over-functioning individual is we’re so focused on the list of things to DO that it’s difficult to slow down and just BE.
According to mindful.org, there’s a powerful distinction in these modes.
Doing mode involves thinking about the present, the future, and the past, relating to each through a veil of concepts.
Being mode, on the other hand, is characterized by direct, immediate, intimate experience of the present.
The act of NOT DOING makes us squirm because it leaves us alone with our present thoughts - which is so uncomfortable that most people seem to spend a lifetime actively avoiding it. But when we’re in “being mode,” research shows we’re able to shift our relationship to these thoughts and feelings.
At the point when I’m all flustered and emo, my productivity hits a point of diminishing returns and I’m not functioning at my highest self anyway. Processing the emotion takes away its teeth and I can recognize it for what it actually is: normal human existence.
2. When you’re done “being,” do something tactile.
Once I’ve felt the feels, the next phase for me is to do a lo-fi activity with my hands. Whether that be a puzzle (shout out to Cozy Retreat), pulling weeds, baking chocolate chip cookies, or doing a load of laundry (all actual things I did this week to snap out of my funk.) I find engaging your hands disengages the over-thinking part of the brain and brings a sense of control and calm. Turns out research backs this up too.
3. Find low-stakes connection opportunities.
I don’t know about you, but when I’m feeling blue, I don’t want to be around people much — even the ones I love and care about. It’s like I don’t want to let them down or something, even though I know that social connection is highly correlated to happiness in ways that other things are not.
If I’m feeling vulnerable, I’m saying no to a networking event or a crowded restaurant. But a walk around the lake with a bestie and our dogs? That I can get down with. And it will instantly lift my spirits, building my confidence to get back out there in a more high-stakes way.
4. Treat yo’ self for doing the work.
I once went to a business conference where the CEO of Oprah’s OWN network was being interviewed. The moderator asked her a fantastic question that has stuck with me to this day.
She asked, “You’ve worked closely with Oprah for years. What do you think it is the one thing that separates her from the rest of us?” (AKA “How come she’s a multi-billionaire and we’re not?”)
The reply? “I think it’s that she consistently does the work on herself.
She doesn’t shy away from it.”
I go back to that moment when I’m in the tough stuff and remind myself I’m doing the work, and that my efforts are in service of a deeper and more meaningful life.
But growth isn’t particularly fun or pretty, so I also give myself permission to indulge guilt-free in a little something I love as a reward.
Turns out, facing the world after a setback feels a lot easier with a fresh manicure (and maybe a $7 latte too.)
Want to go deeper? I highly recommend Brianna Wiest’s book The Pivot Year. It has small daily intentions that act like a microdose of inspiration to keep going. It’s been so helpful for me.
Now go get ‘em Tiger - I’m rooting for you!
If you haven’t seen the above 👆 Ted Talks from Kim Scott and Brené Brown… please go watch and change your life today.